Consumption

Crate & Barrel MOST FEARSOME DISH TOWELS EVER

Woe betide ye dealing with Crate & Barrel's returns department.  I despaired of repacking my accidentally-Eurotrash limonade glasses in the unnecessarily complicated mechanism they arrived in, so THE DAY AFTER that post, I ran them to my nearest C&B store to rid myself of their tackiness.  I can't even begin to relate what I went through with their cashier despite having several receipts and having purchased these monstrosities less than a week earlier.  In short: 

"Sure, you can return these, no problem!"
[stares at register for forty seconds, unmoving]
"No, I'm sorry, you'll need to mail these."

"But it says right here on my receipt--"

"You'll need to mail these, ma'am."

[Repeat above exchange X4]

[Our Heroine leaves line in a huff, walks to next register, and switches on her thousand-wattest smile]

"Hiiiii, these are for a wedding gift and I'm so afraid they'll break in the mail!  Could you wrap them for me?"

So I leave the store, with a freshly wrapped box, MAIL THESE EFFING GLASSES BACK MY DAMN SELF, and only just today received my exchange prize....which was so worth the wait.  Which, as, you can see, is Saying Something.

I don't even like seafood, but aren't these TERRIFYING?  I almost tagged this post "wearable awesome", such is my love.

PB Classic Margarita Glasses

I'm getting married in less than two weeks.  I always knew people were supposed to give you stuff for the occasion, but I wasn't prepared for the sheer onslaught of free junk that accompanies this sort of thing.  People neither of you has ever met crawl out of the woodwork bearing gifts months before the event.   Once thing I'm glad I listened to my mother about was creating a registry or two.  If perfect strangers are going to insist on showering you with gifts, the least you can do is give them some hints. 
Now I'm your typical twenty-first century twenty-something in that I believe if it can't be done on the internet it's not worth doing, but mom insisted (quite correctly) that most people are afraid of the 'nets.  So against our better judgement we created a few lists down at the local malloporium.  While wandering around Pottery Barn a strange thing occurred to me: I majored in two things in college, glassblowing and margarita making and yet I own NO margarita glasses.  WHAT?  Not overly impressed by the very standard shape of the Pottery Barn designs, I set about an exhaustive search elseware, determined to find the perfect style; a wide rim for plenty of salt, a long, elegant stem,and a distinctive shape that says, "well yes, technically I AM a margarita glass but I am fresh off holiday in Scandinavia." 

In the end time and reality dictated I give in to convention.  My darling friends Jesse, Nathaniel, and Christina pitched in and showered all twelve and you know what?  They're pretty perfect actually.  Well balanced, salt-loving rim, just the right size to keep it cold.  And while four ultra-expensive elegant glasses are nice, there's something to be said for having a room full of people with matching glassware and not really worrying if one gets broken. 

So here's to the PB Classic Margarita Glass.  After the wedding is over I will devote my life to making good use of them. 

 

PB Classic Margarita Glass

$22 for a set of 6

NFL Mobile

  Don't laugh. What could be more consumpty than live fantasy football stats sent to your phone via text message?

The West Coast is useful for many things, like eternal sunshine and animatronic dinosaurs, but very, very bad for football fans.  I like to sleep in a little on the weekends, and fall asleep to a late game in the Pacific timezone.  Nothing doing.  Indianapolis is doomed to 1:00 kickoffs on CBS, meaning not only do I only see the national games (thank you, Colts, for playing well enough to rate more than a handful of night games a year), even when they're on TV it conflicts with the farmers' market, brunch, walks of shame, you name it.

Enter NFL Mobile.  It's only available to Sprint customers, but it's absolutely the best feature they offer--and it's free if you already have a data plan (who doesn't?).  There are customizable alerts by conference, by team, and by player, which can be further narrowed down into quarters, scores, and injuries.  I can't see my boys in blue every Sunday, but I can hop on the subway and bop down to Hollywood & Vine without worrying about missing any action--big play replays are also available, although you need a smartphone to get anything out of it.  My favorite feature, the fantasy tracker, also keeps me from needing to shell out for premium stat tracking on Yahoo--you can plug in your entire roster in their surprisingly non-pesky interface, and get alerts for only those players.  A little simple math and I know exactly where I am in the standings without spending a sunny California Sunday in front of the laptop peering at a pirated Slingbox stream from Taipei.

NFL Mobile | Sprint | Free with data plan

Skechers' TEC-9 Mary Janes

That's not the real name of these shoes.  They're called "Bikers", which is ridiculous, as they're completely unsuitable for any sort of two-wheeled activity, but they're f'ing gangbusters for absolutely everything else. 

I bought my first pair in 2006 when I wanted some stage combat shoes that I could flit around in with some support without feeling like my twinkle toes were encased in concrete blocks.  They've been everywhere with me since.  There's sand nestled in that first pair from every beach on the West Coast, Seattle to San Diego.   

I'm firmly convinced that all girls of sufficient badassery should own multiple pairs of these.  At casual glance, they're demure as can be, right up until they kick your ass...sound like anyone you know?  I have to be on about my third pair of these suckers in three years, and that's just counting the black ones.  They don't fall apart, it's just that I wear them all the time. 

My chosen model is a little different from the ones pictured at left--they've got the same sneaker base, but a mesh, fishnet-looking top and two zigzag straps across the middle of each foot.  They're go-anywhere, do-anything kicks. Slip them on with your swingy cocktail dress when you're planning a bender and worried about walking as far as the train station.  Strap in after sliding into your favorite jeans and hit the ballpark.  And yes, they're good for rapier-dagger work, too.

SKECHERS.com | Bikers-Capper | $55