Studio Hive

[SI.com] Roll Damn Tides of Time

Here follows an account of the reign of Nick Saban from the years 2015-25, commonly referred to by better historians as the Wilding Tuscaloosa era.

The year is 2015. The season, midwinter. Flush with six national titles, four of them consecutive, five at Alabama, even the agile football mind of Nick Saban atrophies with boredom. Staring listlessly at a commitment list that’s a unanimous pick for tops in the nation, a list that will bolster a roster that’s already a consensus national title favorite, in the predawn dim of National Signing Day, the crafter of college football’s most unassailable modern dynasty crumples a piece of copy paper into a wad the size of a golfball with the density of sandstone. It’s time at last, time to turn on the cheat codes, Saban’s last defense against the dulling of his edge. He needs to be tested again.

But the codes are not for his benefit. They’re for yours.

And from now on, everything’s gonna be different. Well — almost everything.

(Read the rest at SI.com)

[SI.com] Slam-dunk free prom templates for poor planners

If you’re anything like us, gentle readers, you’re no stranger to seeing your prom plans in ashes after a heartless school board vetoes your suggestions of a Pink & Green Pirate Promenade, Jurassic Prom or Prom.com.* We’re here to help, with 10 free formal templates for use in a variety of states. Who’s going to say no to Kliffykins? Nobody with a human heart and a pulse.

(Read the rest at SI.com)

[SI.com] House Boomtiful: Beach house decorating tips from Will Muschamp

It is May, and like ourselves, Will Muschamp has nothing to do, which is why he was able to take the time to sit down with us and discuss the fresh new look his coastal abode is sporting this offseason.

• I’m a bottom bunk man, and I don’t think that makes me any less of an alpha male. Spear new mattresses with the crown of your helmet until the desired comfort level is achieved.

• Always have one surprise design element in every room. Joker’s decorating my bathroom. The recruiting photoshops plastering the walls are not the surprise. The stingray in the toilet tank is the surprise. His name is Jellaby.

• It turns out sea biscuits are real, non-horse items. They are not good with butter and honey. For decorative use only.

(Read the rest at SI.com)

[SI.com] Genuine human excitement abounds over College Football Playoff

Aside from the logos, there’s so much to be excited about when it comes to the new College Football Playoff. For one thing, it is a playoff, and while we’ve been staunchly agnostic throughout this debate — to the point of openly wondering whether or not a return to the pre-BCS bowl system would be for the best – four teams will surely lead eventually to eight, as God intended. Second, naming it The College Football Playoff will save the blogging class space in their SEO-friendly opening sentences. Third, this might portend the return of the Peach Bowl, signaling the end of a long regional nightmare for those of us who never stopped calling it the Peach Bowl and the beginning of a promising new marketing opportunity for Chick-fil-A’s appallingly addictive peach milkshakes. But there’s more. There’s so much more.

(Read the rest at SI.com)

[SI.com] College Football Playoff logos are breathtakingly uninspired

If we may, for a moment, shill for the least of four evils: The badge-looking one on the left evokes nothing so much as soccer, and could serve to bridge the cultural divide between Football People and Other Football People. It’s also easily convertible into a Lovecraftian stamp, in anticipation of Cthulhu’s return to reassert his dominion over the earth.

(Read the rest at SI.com)

[SI.com] April truly is the cruelest month

The greatest beauty and cruelty of college football is the brevity. The short seasons are here and gone before we feel we’ve fully grasped their import, and, at most, we are granted only a few years to appreciate the players we most admire before they’re shipped off to be homogenized into the NFL. It’s only natural, then, that draft season is the bleakest time of year for us.

(Read the rest at SI.com)

[SI.com] Good Guys Don’t Always Wear White. (Sometimes they wear blue and gold)

Notre Dame fans (and Hey God, if You’re listening), ever find you Gotta Have A Reason to Have A Nice Day? Here’s one: Get Ready for an injection of star power in South Bend, becauseJon Bon Jovi’s son, Jesse Bongiovi, is walking on to your football team.

Happy Now?

What About Now? 

Bongiovi was a Runaway success in high school, doling out Bad Medicine to opponents at Brooklyn Poly Prep County Day and ending his career in a Blaze of Glory. Now, he’s One Step Closer to fulfilling his Secret Dreams. He’d been on the Borderline regarding his future in football, but high school teammate Jay Hayes, a Fighting Irish defensive end commit, gave him Another Reason To Believe and dedicate his Flesh And Bone to the Notre Dame cause.

(Read the rest at SI.com. It does get worse.)

[SI.com] March Madness evokes memories of Rose Bowls past

We harbor a particular fondness for the first day of March Madness, for it was on this date five years ago that we first journeyed to Las Vegas to take in the massive multi-day basketball betting spectacle, and it was there on March 21, 2008, that we spied an Illinois fan wearing a commemorative Rose Bowl shirt in public:

(Read the rest at SI.com)

[SI.com] The SEC’s new TV network sure is coming, probably

But what about borrowing from other conference networks? Let us look to the brave pioneers of the BTN, and the straightforwardly-named program “Step Into My Office,” in which “Mike Hall goes inside the office of the Big Ten’s top football coaches for a revealing, exclusive one-on-one conversation.” The SEC is characterized by nothing so much as a deplorable excess of personality; any such show in God’s Chosen Conference would need to be adapted on a team-by-team basis. A modest list of suggestions follows after the jump:

 

• I Would Ask You To Step Into My Office But I Have Lost Control Of The Door, with Coach Mark Richt

• Do Not Step Onto My Greens, with Coach Steve Spurrier

• Step Into My Hat, with Coach Les Miles

• Step Onto This Nondescript Platform That Most Certainly Does Not Have The Capacity To Disappear From Beneath Your Feat, Plummeting You Into A Pit Of Petulant Piranhas, Unless Perhaps You Are A Grayshirt, with Coach Nick Saban

(Read the rest at SI.com)

[SI.com] Mountain West promises Boise it can change

The letter itself states that “The proposed rule is not related to any student-athlete safety concerns,” a position that must be given some weight considering the Broncos’ trip to East Lansing last season. The team was repeatedly victimized by Mark Dantonio’s “Surly Hillocks” defensive alignment, which consists of Spartan defenders dressing in all-green uniforms and lying perfectly still on a verdant field to form tripping hazards.* The unit’s top-five finish speaks for itself.

*This is not actually a thing Michigan State does, but only because Dantonio finds the practice overly slothful.

(Read the rest at SI.com)